Laying on my couch this weekend watching the PGA Championship and U.S. Women’s Amateur, I had a few minutes during commercials to write down some of the things that annoy me about golf these days.
1. I absolutely love Topgolf, but the golf media should please stop saying it’ll bring more Millennials to golf. Noshing on upscale appetizers and copping a buzz from fancy cocktails before you hit some electronic golf balls is not really golf.
2. Enough already with dumb ideas like high-top golf shoes, golf sandals and track pants. Hey folks, we’re supposed to be playing golf not shooting hoops or hangin’ at the beach.
3. Hey LPGA and USGA, please stop having 12 and 13 year olds compete in your major championships. It just seems so sad to see these whippersnappers beat the heck out of your pros and college golfers.
4. Hello LPGA! Stop with the dress code. These are grown women. If Lexi Thompson, Belen Mozo and Paige Spiranac want to work out and wear form fitting clothing on the golf course, what’s wrong with that. What you should outlaw is all of the boring outfits many players wear during tournaments.
5. Speed up play on the PGA Tour. Enough with the six hour rounds. My gosh, I’ve seen scramble tournaments with beer swilling participants play faster than some of these guys.
6. Attention PGA Tour, LPGA Tour and any other professional tour. Please don’t use golf courses that have ridiculous false fronts on greens. I despise seeing golfers hit the green and have the ball roll off 20 yards back into the fairway.
7. Leave Tiger Woods alone, golf media. I know he’s worth millions of clicks and viewers, but let the man live in peace till he decides to tee it up again. And puh-leeze don’t run that mug shot again.
8. Hey PGA Tour, try to find more players like John Daly and Beef Johnston to counteract all of the lifeless robots playing on Tour.
9. At professional tour events, please instantly remove any fan that yells “Baba Booey”, “Cheeseburger”, “Mash Potatoes”, “in the hole”, “you da man”, etc. Especially “you da man” (that’s so 1990s)
10. Hey adult fans (kids are ok), please stop trying to hand slap PGA Tour players as they walk from one hole to the next. It just seems so sad to see adult jock sniffers be so desperate.
