|Hope this drops for a “Snowman”.|
Let’s face it, more than three putts, shanked drives and warm beer at the 19th hole, there’s nothing worse in the golf experience than playing behind a bunch of clueless dolts who can somehow turn a four hour round of golf into a 6 hour death march.
These guys take slow play to an art form.
Here are my 10 slow-play player types that annoy the heck out of me and other golfers:
1. Playing Wrong Tees Guy–He’s the guy with the 22-handicap that absolutely must play the tips so he “can really get a good look at the course and see how the pros would play it.” He typically hits his 210 yard drive on a 450-yard par 4 and takes three more shots to make it to the green.
2. Mr. Mulligan Guy–Whether its “a breakfast ball” or the “two off the first tee” call, Mr. Mulligan always likes to take more than one shot so he can “hit it flush” and get off to a good start. Usually, Mr. Mulligan uses the same approach throughout the course.
3. U.S. Open Qualifying Guy–This is the guy (typically an 18 handicap or above) who must finish out holes by lining up putts for quadruple and quintuple bogeys. He counts every stroke and never picks up because he wants to show his wife back home that his 112 on 18 holes is a legitimate score.
4. Practice Swing Guy–You’re standing on the tee and you see this poor slug take 3, 4 or 5 practice swings only to dribble a five iron shot about 50 yards down the fairway. You don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
5. Pre-shot Routine Guy--He watches the pros and must go through an extensive pre-shot routine so he can hit a couple of hosel rockets before reaching the green.
6. Not Ready Golf Guy–This is my nomination for the most annoying slow play guy. He’s clueless about speeding the game up by never carrying more than one club to his ball or being ready to hit immediately after a playing partner strikes his ball. He’s usually over at the cart swigging a beer until he hears “Hey Stan, you’re up. What the hell are you doing over there?”
7. Talking Too Much Guy–He can’t stop talking about his recent vacation, promotion at work, etc. You see him out on the fairway just blabbing away when it suddenly occurs to him that he might want to interrupt his story and hit the ball.
8. Crazy Cart Guy–He ventures to one side of the course to search for his ball while his playing partner is stranded on the other side of the fairway with the wrong club or no clubs.
9. Cart Girl Romeo Guy--He’s the guy with the receding hairline, huge gut and mustard stained shirt that flirts incessantly with the cart girl. While she meets dozens of other better looking and younger guys every day, this guy knows he’s God’s gift to cart girls. While he orders a couple of Michelob Ultras (to watch the waistline, of course) he peels through his wallet of bills to show the young lady there might be a little something extra if she listens to his B.S.
10. Scorecard Superstar Guy--His group always, and I mean always, loiters around the 18th green tallying up their scores while you wait out on the fairway. Scorecard Superstar and his group need a calculator to add up all the 7s, 8s and 9s but you can wait, right?